Kurt Hummel's Facebook
by Punkeddrama
Summary: Kurt has always loved his facebook. But now Facebook might be connecting him with his bully, even in Dalton Academy, and maybe even his... Love? Maybe not.
1. Dave and Kurt equal Hate Forever

**Kurt Hummel** Wishes that some people would just admit their feelings.

(**Wes Smith** and **David Adams** like this)

**Wes Smith** **Blaine** I think he's talking to you dude.

**Kurt Hummel** Nope. Just some big meathead.

**Wes Smith** Who?

**Kurt Hummel** Ask **Blaine**.

* * *

**Dave Karofsky** has joined Facebook.

**Mercedes Jones** how in the heck did I become your friend?

**Blaine** I was wondering the same thing.

**Dave Karofsky** I have my ways.

* * *

**Blaine** Is confused how he became friends with Dave but so long as he didn't add Kurt…

**Kurt Hummel** He did.

**Mercedes Jones** Aww poor baby. How about you come over and we can watch Rent?

**Kurt Hummel** YAY! Okay!

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** Is going over to Mercedes to watch Rent! 3

(**Kurt Hummel**,** Blaine**, and **Mercedes Jones** like this)

**Mercedes Jones** Kurt. *shakes head*

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** has changed schools to **Dalton Academy**.

**Mercedes Jones** Awwwwwwwwww stupid meathead. We will miss you.

(**Kurt Hummel** likes this)

**Rachel Berry** I generally don't befriend the enemy. But Im glad the exception is you. Your voice is a loss to New Directions.

(**Rachel Berry**, **Kurt Hummel**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 12 other people like this)

**Kurt Hummel** Uh Rachel? That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me… Even though you did befriend **Jesse St. James**…

(**Jesse St. James** likes this)  
**Puck** You are a creep Jesse. Gonna miss you Kurt.

**Jesse St. James** I resent that.

* * *

**Blaine** **Kurt Hummel** is the worst spy ever. Just saying.

(**Wes Smith**, **David Adams**,** Mercedes Jones**, and 200 other people like this)

Kurt Hummel HEY! In the words of St. James (Curse his soul) I resent that.

(**Rachel Berry**, and 14 other people like this)

**Jesse St. James** You guys suck. I resent that.

**Rachel Berry** DISLIKE!

**Santana Lopez** She's learning the ways of normal regular people. I'm so proud. *wipes away a few tears*

(**Rachel Berry**, **Finn Hudson**,** Brittany**, and 200 other people like this)

* * *

**Rachel Berry** **Santana Lopez **is my mentor 3 :)  
**Santana Lopez** Good you mastered smileys. On to Seduction. *rubs hands evilly*

**Brittany** Can I help?  
**Santana Lopez** Sure Britt. Meet at **Quinn Fabray**'s house.

**Brittany** YAY!

**Quinn Fabray** How did I get dragged into this?

**Santana Lopez** You just did.

**Rachel Berry** Coming over now.

* * *

**Rachel Berry** changed her status from single to in a relationship with **Finn Hudson**

(**Quinn Fabray**, **Kurt Hummel**, and 250 other people like this)  
**Kurt Hummel** FINALLY! You guys were driving me crazy, with those looks of lust and then blushing and looking away… Just no making out when I'm home, kay?  
**Mercedes Jones** You go white boy.

**Finn Hudson** Well Kurt you better leave home now….

**Kurt Hummel** EWWWWWWWWWWW IM BLINDED BY THE ADORABLENESS. It's like a tooth decay.

**Rachel Berry** Sorry Kurt.  
**Quinn Fabray** So I guess the Seduction Lesson worked, right **Santana Lopez**?  
**Santana Lopez** You got that right. Kurt, are you sure it isn't kinky? *waggles eyebrows*

**Kurt Hummel** …. They aren't brave enough to be kinky in front of me. I would attack them.

**Brittany** With kisses?

**Kurt Hummel** No Britt. 3

**Brittany** Then how? With dolphins?

**Kurt Hummel** Sure Britt. I love you.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** has changed his relationship status from single to married with **Brittany**

**Santana Lopez **Brittany, no! You cheated on me. I got a plan Kurt and you are not going to be happy…

(**Blaine** likes this)

**Blaine **has changed his relationship status from single to married with **Santana Lopez**

**Kurt Hummel **No you brat. At least I have MET my wifey before.

**Santana Lopez** Don't be jealous of our love. Come over to my house at 5, **Brittany**, **Kurt Hummel**, and **Blaine**!

* * *

**Santana Lopez** Hottest. Thing. Ever.

**Kurt Hummel** Santana, that was awesome. Except you were staring at Blaine and I and making us watch you and Britt but…

**Brittany **Kurt you and Blaine making out was super hot. 33 Does this mean I can kiss you again?

**Kurt Hummel** *facepalms* Thanks Britt. No sorry, stick to other guys and Santana.

**Brittany** Can I kiss Blaine?  
**Blaine **No sorry Brittany. But Kurt that was fun.

**Puck **So wait… Santana you make Kurt and Blaine make out at your house, and then you and Brittany made out?

**Santana Lopez** Yep win win for all. Blaine and Kurt can get over their frickin sexual tension and realize they both like each other, I got to watch two guys make out, then Britt and I.

**Puck** Kinky. *waggles eyebrows*

**Kurt Hummel** *facepalms*


	2. Blaine, You Are Not Harry Potter

**Kurt Hummel** has changed his relationship status from married to single

**Brittany **Kurt you're still my husband right?  
**Kurt Hummel **Hush Britt. And yes. But hush.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** to **Blaine **Will you go to single now? *puppy dog eyes* Please? I divorced Britt for you and you know how adorable she is.  
**Santana Lopez** RESIST BLAINE! RESISTTT!

**Blaine** Sorry Kurt. Besides, you would cheat on me with Brittany anyway.

**Kurt Hummel **Damn you Blaine.

**Will Schuester **Im confused.

**Kurt Hummel** it's okay Mr. Schue.

**Santana Lopez** Yeah.

**Finn Hudson **So is it okay if I'm confused?

**Kurt Hummel** No.

(**Rachel Berry**, **Kurt Hummel**,** Blaine** and other 200 people like this)

**Finn Hudson **Et tu, Rachel?

**Kurt Hummel** I'm speechless. You actually know something?

(**Rachel Berry**, **Kurt Hummel**, **Santana Lopez**, and 250 other people like this)

* * *

**Blaine **changed his relationship status from married to single

(**Kurt Hummel** likes this)

**Santana Lopez** Et tu, Blaine?

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Rachel Berry**, and 12 other people like this)  
**Finn Hudson** What the heck? I said the same thing moments ago!

**Rachel Berry** Sorry Finn. Its just not cool when you say it.

**Mercedes Jones** OH SNAP! She got you! And don't say Et tu, Rachel either.

* * *

**Finn Hudson** thinks his friends are jerkholes.

**Kurt Hummel **Im surprised you think.

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Santana Lopez**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 290 other people like this)  
**Finn Hudson** You people all suck!

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **changed his name to **Kurt FinnHudsonRules Hummel**

**Kurt FinnHudsonRules Hummel Finn Hudson** is amazing. He is so cool. I could I worship him all day.

**Puck **What the fuck?

**Santana Lopez** Finn's Revenge!

**Mercedes Jones** He got you there Kurt.

**Kurt FinnHudsonRules Hummel **I know, because Finn is amazing like that. (Silly Kurt leaving his facebook open while he goes shopping.)

* * *

**Kurt FinnHudsonRules Hummel **changed his name to **Kurt Hummel**

**Kurt Hummel** Stupid **Finn Hudson** You are a failure.

(**Mercedes Jones**, **Santana Lopez**, **Puck**, and 290 other people like this)

* * *

**Mercedes Jones** posted a **video**

**Blaine** What the… Is that actually Kurt? Singing that low?  
**Puck** I know. We were all shocked.

**Kurt Hummel** Thanks for all the faith guys. I have a broad range okay?

* * *

**Santana Lopez** posted a new album **Kurt's Many Phases**

**Kurt Hummel** WHAT IS IT RIP ON KURT DAY? BURN THOSE PHOTOS!

**Finn Hudson** Its part of my revenge dumb one. Good job Santana!

**Brittany** Kurt I tried to burn the photos, but they wouldn't.

**Kurt Hummel** Its okay Britt. You are the only one who loves me anyway.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **changed his status from single to in a relationship with **Blaine**

(**Mercedes Jones**,** Blaine**, and 300 other people like this)

**Blaine** I love you

**Kurt Hummel **I love you too

**Wes Smith **Hallelujah! No more moaning and groaning over how cute Kurt is, or I wonder what Kurt thinks of me! Or even worse, how fine Kurt's ass is.  
(**David Adams**, **Kurt Hummel** and **Finn Hudson** like this)

**Puck **Finn, is there something you aren't telling us? Like that you are a dolphin?

**Santana Lopez** Yeah Finn, he got you!*waggles eyebrows*

**Finn Hudson** Blaine is soooooo cute, and adorable and hot and I loveeee his hair.

**Puck **See? You ARE gay

**Mercedes Jones** OH SNAP!

**Finn Hudson **Nope, just quoting Kurt

**Kurt Hummel** Get your fat butts off my lovefest. And aww Blaine my ass IS fine.

(**David Adams**, **Wes Smith**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 350 other people like this)

**Blaine** *crawls under rock to die* I love you Kurt

**Kurt Hummel** Love you too

* * *

**Mercedes Jones**, **Blaine**, **David Adams**, **Wes Smith**, **Rachel Berry**, **Santana Lopez**, **Brittany**, and 350 other people like** Kurt's Ass**

**Finn Hudson** WHAT THE HELL? My own girlfriend!

**Kurt Hummel** Aww it's good to know my fine ass is appreciated.

**Rachel Berry** Sorry Finn, should I make it up? *winks*

(**Santana Lopez** likes this)  
**Santana Lopez **My work here is done.

**Finn Hudson **Heads up Kurt. Don't come home for about an hour

**Kurt Hummel** Uck, okay Finn. 1 more hour with my boyfriend before the weekend.

* * *

**Blaine **changed his name to **Blaine Potter**

**Kurt Hummel** For the thousandth time, you do not look like Harry Potter from A Very Potter Musical

**Wes Smith **It's no use. Don't try. We wasted a year trying to.

**David Adams** Seriously it drove me crazy

**Dave Karofsky **Well he kind of does…

**Kurt Hummel** ….

**Blaine **Awkward. But I do.


	3. DAVE KAROFSKY IS GAY

_EHMYGAWD GLEE WAS NOMINATED FOR 5 GOLDEN GLOBES, AND WON 3! AND KURT WON ONE! I STILL THINK AND RACHEL SHOULD HAVE WON ONE!_

_Anyway, I have a Wattpad account, and on there I have a Kurt/Dave love story, so check it out!_

.com/922844-kurt-and-dave-a-glee-tale

_Check that out and I may start a Kurt and Blaine fanfiction on here. May even move the Kurt and Dave one to here._

_I realize this is super short, but I wanted to upload to celebrate the Golden Globes! _

_Reviews are lovely!_

**

* * *

Kurt Hummel** Sort of a rude question but… What the heck is **Blaine**'s last name? And **Brittany**'s?

**Santana Lopez** HAHA I know and you won't. At least Brittany's I know. Unless…

**Blaine Potter** Why won't you accept it's Potter?

**Kurt Hummel **Because it's not. And unless what Santana?

**David Adams **Dude, I don't even know.

**Kurt Hummel** Call me dude again and I'll kill you. Or hire Mercedes.

**Mercedes Jones** *takes out knife and sharpens it*

**Santana Lopez** I messaged you.

**Kurt Hummel** Umm okay… I would rather ask Brittany.

**Puck **Something kinky?  
**Santana Lopez **You bet. *winks*

**Blaine Potter** Kurt, your old Glee members scare me sometimes.

**Kurt Hummel **And that's why I love them

(**Rachel Berry**, **Puck**, **Santana Lopez**, and 13 other people like this)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **to **Brittany **Britt what's your last name?

**Brittany **I can't tell you. Santana told me not too.

**Kurt Hummel** Curse you Santana.

**Santana Lopez** I know, I rock.

**Blaine Potter** Brittany, what's your last name?

**Brittany **Pierce.

**Santana Lopez** Britt!*facepalms*

**Kurt Hummel** I love you Blaine! *whispers behind back*I love you more Britt!*whispers behind back*

Brittany I love you too Kurt!

**Blaine Potter** When will you stop switching your sexuality on me? Just declare yourself Bi! And why Brittany?

**Santana Lopez** Look at my photo album, the one about Kurt. And the lumberjack photos. And then we will explain.

**Kurt Hummel** No Santana! You suck! *crawls under rock to die*

**Blaine Potter** … I am in shock. Is that really Kurt?

**Santana Lopez **Yep.(Revenge Kurt, Revenge!)He pretended not to be gay and to prove it he dated Brittany.

**Blaine Potter **It makes so much more sense. *whispers*Kurt, it's kind of hot. Do you still have the clothes?*whispers*  
**Kurt Hummel** Hell no. I burned them.

* * *

**Blaine Potter** thinks his boyfriend has multiple personality disorder. Or multiple outfit disorder.

**Kurt Hummel** I do not have MPD or MOD!

**Finn Hudson** Yeah, but really you are thinking, Is it time to change my outfit? Is two hours up yet?

**Mercedes Jones** Wow Finn, you actually got him. Didn't know you had it in you.

**Kurt Hummel** Et tu, Mercedes?  
**Finn Hudson** God that is becoming the phrase of the year. And don't lie Kurt. When you went into your room you looked completely different from when you came out.

* * *

**Dave Karofsky **Is gay.

**Kurt Hummel** I'm speechless.

**Blaine Potter **Finally.

* * *

**Dave Karofsky **to **Kurt Hummel** You know they treat homosexuals way different now at McKinley. With me out of the picture, we don't get bullied.

**Kurt Hummel** interesting, interesting. You are contradicting yourself, you know.

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** has switched schools to **McKinley High**

(**Kurt Hummel**,** Mercedes Jones**,** Finn Hudson**, and 200 other people like this)

**Mercedes Jones** YES SKINNY WHITE BOY! YES!

**Blaine Potter **Where is the dislike button when you need it?

(**Wes Smith** and **David Adams **like this)

**Kurt Hummel** Sorry it's not like we can't see each other still.

**Blaine Potter **I suppose. Of course you goofball!

* * *

**Will Schuester **Is glad to have **Kurt Hummel **back

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Mercedes Jones**, **Santana Lopez**, and 310 other people like this)

**Mercedes Jones **Looks like Kurt is popular!


	4. Sorry Darlings, to get your hopes up

_**Hey guys, I know I am WAYYY over due to post a new story, but my stupid laptop somehow deleted the Documents folder of my laptop. Which means, any starts I had of a story is gone. This really annoys me, so it will take a while to rewrite it. I really really am sorry. Forgive me? **_


	5. No No NO

Hey guys, sorry for this really, short chapter, but it's better than nothing right?

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **I still don't know what **Blaine Potter**'s last name is!

**Blaine Potter** Im telling you Kurt, it's Potter!

**Wes Smith** No its not.

**David Adams **Blaine, stop deluding yourself.

**Blaine Potter** Im surprised you know that word :)

**Wes Smith **You better be nice Blaine, or we could tell your lover boy your last name…

**David Adams** Mwahaha

**Blaine Potter **… You guys suck

**Kurt Hummel** Hey guess what? I HAVE A NAME WES!

**David Adams **Yeah but, we don't like saying your name

**Wes Smith **Because then Blaine goes all lovey dovey and ugh

**David Adams **And then he starts talking about you

**Wes Smith **ugh

**Blaine Potter **...You guys need to go sit in a hole.

**Finn Hudson **Blaine, Kurt does that at the mentioning of your name too

**Kurt Hummel** Finn Hudson, you GET OFF MY FACEBOOK STATUS!

**Finn Hudson **Yes mom. *rolls eyes*

**Kurt Hummel **I'll give you 10 seconds to get off. Otherwise, I'm inviting Blaine over.

**Finn Hudson **ALRIGHT ALRIGHT IM LEAVING!

**Wes Smith **Ahaha, that boy is whipped

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **No Blaine, I will not wear those clothes.

**Blaine Potter** Come on! I'll tell you my last name if you wear them.

**Kurt Hummel **No… well…

**Mercedes Jones** Kurt, his last name is Anderson.

**Blaine Potter **Thanks for ruining my advantage over him

**Wes Smith **When we say not to tell, you don't tell, alright Mercedes? But good job. Those clothes are ugly.

(**Kurt Hummel**, **David Adams**,** Mercedes Jones**, and **Wes Smith **like this)

**Mercedes Jones** Anything for my best friend :)

* * *

**Blaine Potter** changed his name to **Blaine**

**Wes Smith** Does this mean you admit you aren't Harry Potter?

**Blaine **Nope. I just see no need to try and convince Kurt my last name is Potter anymore.

(**Kurt Hummel **likes this)

**Kurt Hummel **Good boy. Cya in 10?

**Blaine **Definitely.

* * *

**Santana Lopez **S.l.u.t. she's a slut. S.l.u.t. she's a slut. :)

(**Puck**, **Brittany**,** Mercedes Jones**, and 4 other people like this)

**Puck **Did I get that song stuck in your head?

**Santana Lopez **Yes. His other songs are stuck in my head too.

**Rachel Berry** What sort of song is that?

**Quinn Fabray **It's a song by Scotty Vanity. Slut.

**Rachel Berry **…. You guys like weird music.

**Mercedes Jones** WE like weird music? More like YOU like weird music.

**Santana Lopez** Took those words right out of my mouth.

* * *

**Will Schuester **No **Brittany**, we will not sing Slut.

**Brittany **:(

**Santana Lopez** Look at you Mr. Schue, disappointing Brittany.

**Will Schuester **Santana, it's not going to work.

**Santana Lopez** Damn.


End file.
